Animorphs: self-respect is so overrated

We all know the saying, "Don't judge a book by its cover."  But, just like eating only ONE taquito, this is easier said than done.  Now, I know what you're thinking: "Come on, Jon.  I'm an enlightened, 21st-century reader.  I don't have prejudices; I am fair and open-minded, approaching all books with goodwill and - 

OH MY GOODNESS WHAT IS THAT HIDEOUS THING DESTROY IT NOW

Alas, you see - this will be harder than you thought.  But we have to face this. Rip the band-aid off all at once.

And it gets worse.

*whimper* I will see that in my nightmares forever

Eeeehhh.  Eeeeesh.

Hey, that one's actually pretty nice!  Maybe these aren't so bad!

YAAAAHHHH - KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT - FETCH THE RAID

Sigh.  This is Animorphs.

***

OK, some of you might lose some respect for me after reading this post, but hear me out.  You already know from previous posts that I can read actual books.  I do have some functioning brain cells.  But even so, your confidence in me as an arbiter of culture may be deeply shaken after reading this next statement:

Animorphs are amazing.

There.  I said it.

Now, some of you may feel like this:

Or even this:

(That one makes me giggle)

As someone who claims to enjoy "serious literature," I realize that I've got me some 'splainin' to do.  So let's get into it.  Here's a short essay about why Animorphs are amazing.

Why Animorphs are amazing: A reputation-damaging essay by the Litrovert

I first discovered K.A. Applegate's Animorphs series at the time of life when most people do (who am I kidding: most people wouldn't touch Animorphs with a ten-foot cord of elvish hithlain, but stay with me) - as an insecure, fantasy-loving, escapism-happy grade 6 kid.  I seem to remember my friends at school having an Animorphs club and I guess I wanted to join it?  Because why not?  So I started reading the first book, The Invasion (see lizard-boy cover above).

Right from the start, I was hooked.  The first book starts off like this: five teenage friends are walking home from the mall one night, enjoying some regular teenage fun (minus the smartphones: yay the nineties!), when they witness a UFO descend right in front of them and land in a construction site.  A door opens, and out stumbles a blue, deer-like alien with no mouth, stalks for eyes, and a very ouchy-looking tail blade.  Despite their fear, the teens find themselves drawn to the alien, who is obviously hurt and is on the verge of death.  As the kids gather around his stricken body, he tells them (via telepathy) that his name is Elfangor, an Andalite warrior who is tasked with helping defend Earth against the Yeerks (cue ominous note), a type of 'body-snatching' alien race whose natural form is a slug.  

But the Yeerks aren't your average garden slug.  They crawl in through your ear canal, wrap themselves around your brain, and control you.  Completely.  They mimic your voice, habits, mannerisms, etc., and they do it so completely that even your own family can't sense there's something wrong.  The Yeerks have already enslaved untold numbers of humans, and Elfangor knows that there is no hope - unless the humans fight back.

So he does the most logical thing possible - inform the President.  Wait, no.  That would be logical, but probably wouldn't be very effective.

***

Elfangor: [On the phone] Hello, is this the President?

President: Yes, this is him - that is, me.  Who is this?

Elfangor: Well, sir, you don't know me, but my name is Elfangor Sirinial-Shamtul and I'm an alien who looks like a blue deer.  I just wanted to let you know that there are some other aliens called Yeerks who are trying to take over the world, and you should probably -

President: Ha!  Nice try, Putin!  I'm not falling for that one again!  In fact, I'm tired of your prank calls.  Time for more trade sanctions! [Click]

Elfangor: ...

***

So you can see why he doesn't go for that option (aside from the fact that he can't even talk in the first place).  Instead, he does the next most logical thing: provide the kids with top-secret Andalite technology that allows them to morph into any animal they touch.  

Now, I know what you're thinking: Ummm, how is five kids turning into hamsters supposed to stop an advanced alien civilization from achieving world domination?  And while you may have a point, the real point is that this is SO MUCH COOLER.  

Thus, we have scenes in which the kids infiltrate top-secret Yeerk headquarters in the guise of cockroaches, kitty-cats, houseflies, and geckos.  When reconnaissance is needed, they take to the skies in their "bird morphs" (my favourite is the peregrine falcon).  And when the action heats up and they need to take on Visser Three and his Hork-Bajir henchmen, they rock their "battle morphs," which include a grizzly bear, Siberian tiger, and gorilla.  Picture this:

On one side, an army of laser-gun wielding, six-foot-tall lizard creatures covered in blades.  Yes, laser guns.  TSEEEW TSEEEW.

On the other side, the Animorphs - Jake, Rachel, Cassie, Marco, and Tobias - in battle morphs as tiger, bear, wolf, gorilla, and hawk.  

Let the rumble begin.

Seriously, though, there are more reasons than this as to why Animorphs is a criminally underrated series.  Let me enumerate them here:

1. Incredible world-building

K.A. Applegate succeeds in crafting an imaginary universe full of people, places, races, history, and backstory that feels real.  Given greater maturity and production values, this could actually become a real hit in today's sci-fi/fantasy-friendly entertainment market.  In addition to the main series, there are several spin-off books that describe backstory happening in other parts of the galaxy.  Peter Jackson - get those film rights!  Let the post-Hobbit comeback begin!!

2. Three-dimensional characters

My favourite thing about the series is the characters.  The kids are well-developed protagonists that resonate on a surprisingly deep level.  At the start of the series, they're just kids dealing with all the regular stuff that kids deal with (again, blissfully, without smartphones). As the series progresses and they and their families become inexorably pulled into this vast and terrifying conflict, we watch as they grow and mature into old souls in young bodies.  Some scenes carry an aching melancholy, such as Jake and Cassie (the group's sweethearts) dancing together in their school gym, trying to enjoy one night of normalcy.  All the time they're surrounded by their oblivious peers whose only cares are homework and social drama, while the two of them secretly carry the weight of the world on their shoulders.  This is practically Shakespeare.

3. Balance of episodic and overarching narratives

Each book carries a stand-alone plot which can be read and enjoyed in just a couple hours (which, granted, are hours that you can never gain back); yet together they form an overarching storyline with a fully developed beginning, middle, and end.  That's what I'm Tolkien about.

4. Ax

One of the characters is an Andalite named Ax (Elfangor's younger brother), who comes into the series somewhere around book #8.  When he morphs into a human, he takes incredible pleasure in making what he calls "mouth sounds" (Andalites can't talk) and in eating anything that will stand still long enough (Andalites also can't taste anything).  This leads to the running joke in which Ax is constantly chowing down on things that are not good for him (ie. cigarette butts, etc.).  Plus, his misunderstanding of human culture leads to many other moments of light-hearted silliness (which is kind of necessary, seeing as the Animorphs are pretty much constantly dealing with PTSD due to the stress of fighting the Yeerks while getting their math homework done).

5. Tobias

Just saying, there's a character named Tobias in this series and he is SO much cooler than Tobias from Divergent.  Yes, feel sad, Tobias from Divergent.

Tobias from Animorphs is basically a sensitive introvert who gets stuck in the body of a red-tailed hawk pretty much right out of the gate (if you stay in morph longer than two hours you get stuck as that animal forever).  He then spends the rest of the series living in the woods by himself, hunting rabbits and struggling with his identity.  So pretty much he's me, minus the woods, rabbits, identity issues, and being a hawk.

Now, I know what you're probably thinking: can he be serious?  Is he seriously trying to defend THESE books?!?!  I thought he had brain cells!!  Granted - this series does have some problems, quality of writing and maturity of style not least among them (TSEEW!  TSEEW!).  I am not expecting any adults reading this blog to go out and start devouring them.  But at least don't judge my 10 year-old self for loving them so much.  And don't judge me for defending them now.  Please.  Pleeeeeeease???

Those covers, though.  *shudder*

PS. You have no idea how happy it makes my grade-six brain to once again use the words Andalite, Yeerk, and Hork-Bajir.  Good things never get old.